The past couple of days have been a bit stressful with James, mainly due to Mike going back to work I think, and trying to cope on my own with his behaviour.

I am not sure how to deal with his short attention span, and him being destructive.

Had a chat with two friends who both said that one of their boys acted/acts in a similar way, while their other sons are completely different.

That made me feel a bit better.

I wonder sometimes though if I put too much thought into his behaviour, because he is on medication, despite the fact that any behavioural side affects would have shown up when he first started taking the meds.

I scout around online, looking for sites that give advice about toddlers, read blogs and read various parenting books about children this age.  They all say more or less the same thing, that this behaviour is quite common in children this age.

Again, makes me feel better.

However, this does not stop me comparing him (which I really know I shouldnt) to other children his age.

Which I did today.

But then as I am typing this I am remembering thinking the same thing about Becky. She was always (still is) very active/boistrous/hyper too.

Circumstances are different for James as well. 

When the eldest two were younger,it was just them, they didnt try to be like their older siblings, therefore they didnt try to do things that older children do which they cannot.

They mainly had only my attention for most of the day. James has mine, his siblings, and a lot of his Dads.

He gets taken to HE trips and HE Groups,which means more excitement, more older children and more chance to get into trouble!

Not sure if it makes a difference, probably wouldnt like to admit that it does, but I am also 10 years older.

But I think the main contributor is the fact that for the four months he was having seizures, he got his own way all the time.  One of the triggers for seizures in a child this age is not getting his own way. I know we shouldnt have, but we ALL gave into him, and I think thats starting to show, and I also think that we are all still a bit scared it will happen if he gets into a state, so slow progress in going forward in that respect.

So what do I do - I find it difficult - we do not smack - I do shout, but do not want to, we do try to reason with him, but his high pitch screaming worries us and also you cant blimming well hear yourself think, let alone deal with him!

I try most of the time to divert his attention to something else, but this does not always work.

So trying to keep him calm I think is a start. Today he was very excited about going to the park to see his friends, which is fine.  Also Becky and Danny look forward to seeing their friends too, so they are just a bit exciteable.
On top of that, I tried to do to much before leaving the house this morning, leaving James in front of the TV or playing with the other two. I was rushing around, not giving him enough attention, rushing to get him dressed,pottied etc etc.

Lesson 1 - be more organised, get ready the night before, get James to help me with getting ready, and not try to do to much before leaving the house.

Lesson 2 - Space from his siblings. When they went to school (for four whole days) I noticed how much calmer he was.  When they came out of school we decided it would be a good idea for Becky and Danny to spend an hour or so each mornng in their rooms, reading or studying - we seem to have got out of that habit, Mike having been home from work has changed our routine.

There are probably a few more things we need to do,but for the a moment a few tweaks here and there to our daily schedule is a start,and to aim for a calmer atmosphere and  try and be more organised.

From Scott Noelle - The Daily Groove - Enjoy Parenting

:: Seeing the Forest for the Trees ::



"If we define "well-being" as the free flow of Life Energy, there is ample evidence that our world is a place of breathtakingly abundant well-being!
But we perceive a *lack* of well-being when we focus narrowly on situations in which that Flow is temporarily blocked -- when we focus on "what's wrong." It's like looking at a single diseased tree and forgetting that the forest is alive and well.

When a child cries or indicates distress, most parents automatically ask, "What's wrong?!"


The more intensely we ask, the more we lose touch with the abundance of well-being in and around us.

Today, if your child is distressed, try letting go of needing to know what's wrong. Remember that simple Presence is the cure-all for most distresses,and connecting with well-being makes you positively,powerfully present.

Relax your focus and "zoom out" until the problem looks tiny and well-being looks huge. Let yourself see the "problem" as an integral part of the Big Picture of well-being."

So, will try my very best to focus on what is going right, than looking at what I think is going wrong.

Sounds easy!

Blessings
Lou x